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The reasons I've been so scarce online these days

So, I haven’t been around much lately. It’s no secret that I’ve been super sick and exhausted for the last couple of months, so it probably won’t come as a surprise to learn that I’m pregnant. Pregnant times two, actually.

Yep. Two babies are due August 11th. To say that I’m kind of freaking out about that would be an understatement. I have no clue what to do with one baby, so the thought of having to juggle two? Ahhhhh!

Not that the twins thing was a big surprise to us. We were supposedly prepared for it since we had to do IVF*. Honestly, though, I think I put all my mental preparations into bracing for yet-another-negative-pregnancy-test. I’m still adjusting to a positive pregnancy. One baby changes your life. Two babies… Double the change? Scary.

Anyway, I promise this Livejournal account won’t turn into a pregnancy, babies, kids blog, but I felt like I should mention it because I’ve been feeling extremely guilty about how scarce I am online. I glance through everyone’s posts usually, but I’m still lacking the energy to muster up the words and clicks to comment. And there are a ton of posts that I’ve wanted to make and just haven’t felt up to it – fun, exciting, and cool posts, mostly, like the release of ACROSS THE UNIVERSE and THE IRON WITCH (congratulations again, Karen!). I’m also woefully far behind on responding to emails. *sigh*

I’m getting better, though. I mean, I’m not bedridden anymore. I started venturing outside the house again a couple of weekends ago. Just for an hour or two at a time, but that’s more than enough. The couple of times I stayed out longer than that, I nearly died. And today is so, so much better than the beginning of this week, which were just plain awful. I’m actually upright and haven’t had to run to the restroom to throw up yet today. Win! (Also: *knocks on wood*)

Of course, the fact that I’m having twins is also making me freak out about my writing. I haven’t had energy to write these last two months. I’ve tried, opening up my Word Doc and staring at the same 5 pages I wrote back in November, but no luck. My creative energy is utterly gone. But! As I said last week, I’ve started to read again. Reading is like fuel for my writing. The more I read, the more I want to write, so I’m starting to feel that itch again. If I can just feel well for a few days, I know I’ll be able to make progress. And I need to make progress. Twins tend to come early, so I have a self-imposed July 1st deadline for a solid first draft.** (My actually deadline is November 1st.)

So that’s what’s going on with me. I will be blogging a little bit more than usual. Starting on Monday, I’ll be posting over at theMagic & Mayhem site, a new urban fantasy/paranormal group blog consisting of me, Amanda Bonilla, Shawntelle Madison, and Nadia Lee. Definitely stop by next week and say hello.

Since I’m feeling decent at the moment (and this blog is already super long), I’m off to attempt to do something productive. Ciao!

* I’ve debated mentioning the IVF thing publicly because it’s personal and seems to be kind of a taboo subject, but after 3+ years (which is a short amount of time compared to what some couples go through) of unexplained infertility (meaning that every test comes back with perfect results but still no pregnancy), I know how frustrating it can be when it seems like everyone else is getting pregnant by accident or the very first time they decide to try. And on the verge of that frustration comes a huge wave of guilt because the only thing I should be feeling for other couples is happiness. And I do feel happy, but still, there was always that underlying sadness. So, just know that it wasn’t easy. It involved lots of tests and procedures and three months of evil needles and a surgery all just to tell me everything looks perfect. IVF is the only thing that was effective for me, and I know how damn lucky I am that it worked at all, let alone the first time.

** My first drafts tend to be very solid, mostly because I’m one of those edit-as-you-go people. I know, I know, all the conventional wisdom says to just write a crappy first draft, but it just hasn’t worked for me so far (though if I get stuck, I will write a crappy chapter here and there and then fix it later).